I was adopted by two loving parents pre-birth. That means they chose me before I was ever born or they knew what sex I was. They always told me I was adopted and that meant I was “special and chosen”. I always believed that. Until that day in 4th grade when the boy on the playground made it his business to educate me on adoption. He informed me that my parents were not my real parents and that my real parents had given me away because they didn’t want me.
I ran home and confronted my Mother who pulled down the bread box that contained my adoption papers. I was not who I thought I was. I was born Baby Girl Sculley. I went from being “special and chosen” to “unloved and unwanted” in the blink of an eye.
In sixth grade, one of my cousins who was visiting us with their parents, introduced me to marijuana. It didn’t take long for me to gravitate to the “friends” who could supply me with my new favorite toy. Not long after that, I started smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, and finding my self at the mercy of growing, curious boys hands and I was raped at the age of 13 by a 21 year old from the neighborhood. I never told anyone.
By the time I was 16 I had “fallen in love” and ended up pregnant. My parents made me make the choice to either abort my baby, or be disowned. I had no where to go and did not want to lose the love of my parents so I agreed to the abortion. It was devastating. I ended up marrying the father when I turned 18 and at age 19 had my daughter. I want you to know I am 100% Pro Life since I suffered the aftermath of that choice.
During our marriage, drinking and drugs such as pills, cocaine and marijuana were a common occurrence. I adored my baby girl though. She was my life. She had the voice of an angel and her eyes sparkled like stars. I thought I was so in love. For 3 years I suffered mental and physical abuse at the hands of her father until I left him finally after he attacked me one afternoon and pinned me up against the refrigerator about a foot off the floor and spit in my face at least 20 times. Thank God my daughter had gone to Arkansas to spend that summer with my parents.
I soon found myself, on my 21st birthday living back with my parents after a long bus ride from California to Arkansas and going through a divorce. He abandoned any relationship with our daughter and I. It was actually a blessing knowing how his life has turned out.
The next four years were a whilrwind. Trying to find love in all the wrong places. I worked three jobs at times and spent most of my free nights at the clubs. In 1987 I met my second husband, father of my two sons. We were married for nine years and I never thought we would get divorced. I thought we had a good marriage. I had stopped doing drugs while we were married except for a brief period while he was deployed in Desert Storm for 9 months. The stress of that situation was more than I could handle.
While he was over there, I had a manager who invited me to the Greg Laurie Summer Harvest Crusade in Anaheim California; we had moved back there after my husband joined the Marines.
I accepted Jesus as my Savior that night.
When my husband came home from the war, I was a different woman.
There were many “family secrets” that I and my family endured during our nine year marriage. I may write about them at some point when I feel it would be healthy for all involved. Our marriage ended in a nasty divorce in Sept 1996 when he had gotten out of the Marine Corps and we had moved back to Oklahoma, where he was from.
In 1997 after our divorce was final and he had married the woman who he had left us for, he threatened to take me to court for being an unfit mother because I worked all the time and my daughter, now 14, was being forced to be the mom to her brothers while I was always at work. I felt guilty for always being gone and thought that if he had left us for her, and they had a happy home, that it might be better for the boys to be there. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I agreed to give up custody.
Nobody knew that I had a dirty little secret, and that I had started using drugs again and was drinking pretty heavy. Partly to numb the pain of the events of the past 9 years and the divorce; and partly to keep myself going with all the long hours I was working trying to provide for my kids as a single mother.
The next two years were pure hell. My drug and alcohol use raged into full blown addictions. My father died in Jan of 1999, and I was arrested for DUI two weeks later. My life was falling apart. I lost my home, my job, my sanity and my self respect.
But…. God had plans for my future. He surrounded me with Christians who prayed for me, and finally after so many attempts of people to get me back in church, I went. Nov 28th 1999 was the day my life forever changed. I rededicated my life to Christ. Funny thing is, I showed up to every church service high on something, or smelling like alcohol. But I never missed a service where the doors were open.
But, on December 31st 1999 after only a month of being back in church and really seeking after God, I understood that I could no longer continue the life I was living. I asked God to take me away from the things that were displeasing to Him. On Jan 1st 2000, I woke up and was delivered from addiction. With the exception of 2 occasions in the first year where I thought I could handle having a few glasses of wine, and ended up drinking a few more than I should have, I have been clean and sober since.
Disclaimer: I still drink an occasional glass of wine, but I have not allowed myself to become intoxicated since those two occasions and have been totally free from drugs from day one.
I also made the choice to practice abstinence in Feb 2000. I had one relationship that took me off track a year later that ended badly and I have been abstinent ever since. I figured I would leave the match making up to God if He chooses for me to have a life partner again because my track record was 0 for 2.
Oh and by the way, after fighting for custody of my kids twice, I ended up getting joint custody back!
My kids are all adults with their own lives and issues now and I have 2 amazing grandchildren from my daughter.
In the years since, I have lost my Mother; I was healed from Stage 2 Colon Cancer; had part of my left lung and my gall bladder removed, had a hysterectomy, went from being a couch potato weighing 225 lbs to running 5k and 10k`s and got down to 172 lbs only to suffer severe Plantar Fasciitis in both feet that ended up leaving me disabled for 7 months and having surgery on my right foot. I slowly gained back almost all the weight. In July of 2015 I made the decision I was not going to allow my body to dictate my limitations any more. Starting out back at 217 lbs I went from barely being able to walk to running 3-4 5k`s a week, every week and slowly getting my body back in shape.
I overcome through Christ who strengthens me.
Today, my life is still a work in progress.
My life is no where near perfect or working as well as I would like in all the areas I would hope, but I am on a journey.
A journey of “Living a Transformed Life”.
I have some regrets and sometimes wish life had a “do-over” button. I can`t go back so I am paying it forward. I have made it my mission to now make a difference in the lives of those I touch.
There is so much I want to share with women, young and old about their self worth. About the mistakes I made personally, as a young woman, a wife and a mother. About how to be a better adult child to your parents, about how to be a better parent to your children. About how your choices today will determine your tomorrow.
I invite you to follow me on my journey and my prayer is that in my sharing, you may see yourself or your situation and be inspired and find hope.
Live Full Out With Passion and Purpose Every Day,